Author: jenniferblaine

It was stifling hot as Lily got into the back seat of the car last week.

She fanned herself and said “I’m sweating like a sinner in church.”

I dont know where she got that from. We’re Jews.

I am beginning a video series called “5,000 Women Talking.” It will include videos of conversations between women performance artists. This is an excerpt of my character, Ruth, interviewing a one-woman performance artist named Cymande Lewis. In her new one-woman show, “My name is Sam Johnson, ” Cymande recounts how she survived being abused as a child. One of my goals is to be funny about some of the most challenging subjects so that we can begin a dialogue and shed some light on difficult topics. I am doing this here by having Ruth ask Cymande questions where the answers are both poignant and hysterical. Hope you enjoy it.

Maybe it’s me, but it seems that so many of us are going through challenging times. There’s the recession, global warming, and countless other global and personal challenges. As a life coach my goal is to empower people to consider how they create their lives and how they can look at things differently, shifting their priorities. Would you like to know how to use your challenges to move you closer to yourself, feel better, and go about the business of creating change? If you say yes, follow these four steps.

1. It starts with recognizing how precious it is that you actually care. You wouldn’t be so disturbed by these things, if you weren’t a sensitive, compassionate person. So first things first, I invite you to deeply appreciate yourself for having the ability to be affected by things. You are wonderful.

2. It’s key that you make the choice to express. In fact, there is a magic that comes out of finding the right balance between experiencing and expressing. If you don’t feel good, chances are you are doing too much experiencing without expressing or too much expressing without enough experiencing. If you are overwhelmed by circumstances, make time and space to express. Tell a friend how you feel. Get art supplies and draw a really bad picture. Put on music and make your “blah” dance or movement to match what you are experiencing. If you are talking and talking without noticing life around you, take time to tune in and listen. You will start to notice your own personal favorite balance of expression and experience.

3. The next thing is to examine if you are getting anything out of your position of being stuck in the place you are in. If you are frustrated by things, it’s useful to realize that you are angry. Anger is present if there’s a fundamental injustice. Depending on what you are angry about, this may be a sane response. What if you are angry because you want things to be different? If so, how do you want them to change? What are you willing to do about it? What if you are upset, because you want there to be a big change? The film THE COVE, a documentary about the annual devastating slaughter of dolphins in a small Japanese cove, exposed how this cultural ritual was so entrenched that there was no support to change it. But due to awareness raised by the film, and a mass international effort, the practice of killing those dolphins has ended. Isn’t that incredible? If you align yourself with actually making a big change, you will feel better, and perhaps even end up transforming what really disturbed you in the first place.

4. The filmmakers of THE COVE took action. In the end we all need to do that, to transform ourselves and the world. For me, engaging in a creative act always brings more energy. If I feel drained by being alone when I am parenting, I make a movie of Lily. As a result I get energy, because I am being creative in the way I want to be creative. And if I entertain others by my creativity I am honored to have brought joy to someone’s day. For some just choosing to be more loving is enough of an action to take. For others saying an affirmation is powerful. For some, starting to build stamina by exercising can give them the energy to tackle their goals. A goal need not be huge, but by making up your mind to actually choose something different and take action you will experience a shift.

In life, we always get to choose whether we are resigned to things as they are, or if we are willing to change. If we are willing to change, we get a burst of creativity, inspiration, an actual feeling of being alive. What could be better?

When I awoke yesterday, the first thing I experienced was my husband reporting the number of homicides in Philadelphia. There have already been 166 this year, while last year there was a total of 154. It’s only July. He read about victims of a shooting who were just 2 and 5 years old. These kids will never go to summer camp, never learn to read, never know what it feels like to grow up, let alone have a childhood. It’s the ultimate robbery, isn’t it, to take a child’s life?

It got me wondering, what can we all do to change this trend in Philadelphia, and in the world? What can I do?

When I coach people who survived violent childhoods, the terror still continues, long after the assaults end. How do people find their way back? They find it through telling the truth about the horror they endured, and they learn to move through their fear. They also have to learn how to open up to joy and laughter. I imagine I sound Pollyannaish here, but this has been my experience with every client who’s survived abuse. They need to know that they deserve to have a good time and enjoy their lives. If people are brave enough to face their experiences, and tell the truth, they also need to know that there is something they can look forward to in their lives again. They need to reveal their truth and they also need to laugh.

I am reading a book called “DO IT ANYWAY” and it’s all about a new generation of activists who are taking on a mission of social justice, in the hopes of changing things for the better. I am meditating on how my humor can be a mission of social justice, and I am going to begin to use it for that purpose more and more. It’s always been important to me to raise consciousness about issues with my humor. Now I am wondering how to take it to the next level.

To be continued… Stay tuned.

When I say to my daughter, “Wow, Lily, you are getting taller,” she says, “Wow, Mommy, you are getting older!

Age matters. And then again, it doesn’t. I feel better now, at 41 than I did at 31, that’s for sure. I have better skin, more energy, a rosier outlook, and a much more satisfying and passionate love.

The older I get the more I realize that it’s how I feel that matters. Now that I am older, I don’t want to waste time on anything that isn’t working, and I must have fun. That’s what older means to me. So Lily is right! I am getting older, after all.

This weekend I hit a blue patch. Some twenty minutes later Lily asked me, “Are you still sad?”

I admitted I was and she said, “Well come over here to the love machine.”

What is the love machine?

Step one: Lily looks into my eyes and says, “I have such a pretty Mommy.” This makes me smile and tear up.

Step two: Lily goes off the bed head first, waiting for just the right moment, then freezes in a handstand, and farts in my direction.

Step three: Uncontrollable laughter.

I was trying to teach Lily how to get on her shoes the other day, but she didn’t seem interested.
“Don’t you want to learn how to do this?” I asked.
“I’m not really into learning Mom,” replied Lily. “I’m more into teaching.”

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The other day I was talking to Lily about our relatives.
“The relatives on Mommy’s side of the family come from Russia and Austria. Do you remember the foreign country Daddy’s relatives came from a long time ago?”
She nodded vigorously and shouts, “New Jersey!”

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People are often struck by Lily’s looks and they forecast trouble in my future.
Last night her babysitter said, “Watch out. Imagine when she’s fifteen, you’ll have to lock the door!”
To which Lily replied to the babysitter, “Watch out. Imagine when you’re sixty! We’ll have to shove you out the door!”