jenniferblaine

I told Lily I had to do my taxes.

“Do you like to do your taxes Mommy?”  she asked.

Wow. What should I tell her?

I have always loved numbers and counting. As a child I watched people coming on and off the subway and kept a tally of them, how many women were there and how many men. For some reason this really delighted me.  Numbers add up, and give me a feeling of perfection about the world. As an adult, like most of us, I feel dread when I think about taxes. I generally have to pay more than I want to, and might be financially prepared or unprepared to do so. This does not create the same satisfying feeling I had as a kid counting.

Yet when I look at Lily’s face she genuinely tries to learn from me about the world, so I decided to create a new intention. Regardless of what the numbers turned out to be, I decided I would enjoy the process of looking at the numbers.

I set my Pandora station to “The Black-Eyed Peas” and looked at taxes and just saw them as numbers. I bopped to the music. I worked the calculator. I tabulated all income and expenses, and enjoyed the process of coming up with totals in every category. The numbers accompanied the melodies, and I entered a space where the various sections had a different theme song. I was done in two hours. It turned out to be a bit more than I’d expected to pay, but the process did not cost me the way it has in the past. I wasn’t drained or defeated.  It all just became numbers and music.

Now I can honestly tell Lily, “Yes, I do like to do my taxes.” This year I will pay my taxes like everyone else, but did not dread the process. I am grateful that my daughter gets to see that sometimes even “have-tos” can have a theme song we can somehow enjoy.

In the early 1990’s, I was privileged to study acting with Michael Howard, who had trained such greats as Olympia Dukakis and Mercedes Ruehl.  During one of the classes we did an exercise designed to make us more alluring as performers. Guess what the key was? It was feeling irresistible to ourselves. I remember looking around the room and seeing people entranced with themselves. Believe it or not, this didn’t come off as narcissistic at all. It was all just fascinating and fun. One man ran his hand along a record player and listened, humming the sounds back to the machine. Meanwhile, a woman wrote a letter and took note of how sensual her fingers felt as she made marks on the page. The focus and concentration in the room was hypnotic. One couldn’t wait to experience what would happen next.

At a recent “5,000 Women” workshop a participant played with this technique. She wanted to play with her star power not just onstage, but in her everyday life too. Offstage she was rather proper, often asking for permission, while onstage she simply followed her impulses. In the workshop she started to act like a star, mesmerizing us as she slinked into the middle of the room, tossing her head back and smiling. She decided that indulging her needs and wants felt best to her and she would begin to practice that onstage and off. As a result she became completely irresistible.

Is there a way you’d like to indulge your star power right now and practice being irresistible?

 

Many people refer to our current economy as a “gig economy,” meaning that that they need to cobble together several jobs, or “gigs” which usually have no health or retirement benefits in order to make a living. This differs from the past when many or most people landed jobs with benefits, a set work week, and a predictable trajectory for promotion.  Nowadays recent graduates, or people laid off from seemingly stable jobs, may struggle with how to make it in this new “gig” climate. As a one-woman show, I have only known shaping a life around gigging, so I thought I would share some tips on how to adapt to this lifestyle.

One of the tools I have cultivated over time is the ability to shift gears. This can also help if you have a full-time job that requires long hours and then want to be able to shift gears into personal time.  Here are some simple steps to make it happen.

1.    Take three relaxed breaths. Picture yourself erasing a board with writing on it until it is empty. Then ask yourself, “I’m done with all that, what shall I focus on now?”

2.    Ask yourself, “What sort of energy does this new task require?”  This is similar to how a car’s engine needs to kick into a higher gear when climbing up a hill, or lower one when it’s decelerating.

3.    Set the intention of the result you want by focusing on the task at hand. Sometimes when I am on camera, for example,  I find myself wondering about what my daughter, Lily, is doing.  At such times, it helps when I create a win-win intention such as:  “I am putting my entire focus here, and I know Lily is having great fun playing with her friends right now.” Then I can focus fully on what I’m doing.

4.    Shift gears by giving a gentle shake and stretch to your whole body. Then you will be more prepared for a change.

These steps may help you to feel calmer and more focused. Then you are ready to shift gears.

 

 

Maybe you have been crafting a screenplay, re-writing a monologue or have composed an overture. All the while you have been nesting in the solitary space of your creative process. Now it is time to go public. Where can this be done? You may picture yourself at the Kennedy Center receiving an award 5 years from now, but at the moment, where can now begin to share your creative work?

I recommend sharing with those whose taste you admire, who can also be supportive. How much feedback are you comfortable with? Some level of discomfort is normal and essential when first sharing your work, but feeling in danger is not essential to be creative. Think about what would be a good balance between leaving your comfort zone and taking some risk? The feeling should make your heartbeat faster but make it so you can still be able to express and feel connected to yourself.

During my early days of creating original characters, I performed at a performance salon in someone’s home. I also performed in several coffee shops. Find a venue that feels supportive for the stage you are at. Then book a date and invite people you feel you can trust, who will provide feedback that is encouraging and recognizes your strengths. Before you know it, it will be official. You will have gone public with your creative work.

After watching “Peter Pan,” Lily, 4 1/2, sat pensively.

“What’s on your mind Lily?” I asked.

“I get scared of Captain Hook.”

“Me too,” I admitted.

“But you know what Mommy?”

“What?”

“I was just thinking that since Captain Hook lives in Neverland, maybe he’s just a kid too.”

Several years ago, while preparing to perform at a women’s prison, I waited at the side of the auditorium running my lines. For those of you who don’t know what “running lines” means, the term refers to how an actor goes through all of her/his lines until they are sure they really know them. What it looks like to the rest of the world, is that we are muttering and talking to ourselves. Once I got onstage and started to perform funny characters, the inmates burst into hysterics immediately. I was thrilled at their response. Later, after the show they told me, “You were funny, but we were laughing because the way you were talking to yourself before the show, we actually thought you were a new girl from the psych ward!”

I am delighted by moments like this one. So much of the time I put the emphasis on preparing for the performance, and I think things are going to go as I’ve planned them in my mind. The reality is that things sometimes turn out even better than what I intended. Once we put ourselves out there, we never know what will happen.