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I love artists: visual, musical, theatrical, cinematic. One of the things I like most about artists is drinking in their style.

Why does Tina Turner decide to go with shaggy hair? Why does Judd Apatow make movies steeped in adolescent humor? It’s their style! Style is all about making choices that make sense to you and expressing what pleases you. When you add up all those choices they become your style.

To discover your own style:

1. Observe and take note of artists you love. What do you appreciate about them? Is there something they do which you would like to adopt or adapt for yourself?

2. You may not notice your own style, because it is second nature to you. If so, consider what sort of feedback you often receive. My friend Kelly Hu, who starred in such movies as “The Scorpion King,” used to tell me I was so funny. I always told her I was just being me until one day I realized being funny is my style.

3. What feels like a yes to you? A yes is what you feel good about and it’s easy to move toward it. For instance do you want to wear a parka in a blizzard, or like me do you choose a vintage tiger striped coat which literally stops traffic? My coat is a big yes for me. When you follow your inner yeses you will begin to create and collect aspects of your style.

Everything you do is an opportunity to trot out your style. All you need to do is take it.

When I heard about Whitney Houston’s death, I was reminded of the many ways society sends destructive messages to artists and creative people.

One message is “you’re only as good as your last hit.” In many news reports I heard that Whitney was disappointed and down that her last album did not get the critical acclaim to which she was accustomed. Imagine topping the charts with hit after hit for decades, and then after coming out of isolation and self-destruction you don’t top the charts in the way you once did.  She did well, but her performance wasn’t as meteoric as it had been in the past. The meta-message “only as good as your last hit” is reinforced.

Another message is that “unless you knock my socks off, you are not legit.” Her voice had undeniably changed, she could no longer soar in the same way, but now her voice was filled with edges and qualities that reflected despair, heartache, and the desire to overcome it all. She had lost notes but had developed strength and gravitas. The qualities in her voice reflected that she was older and seeking to find herself. Unfortunately, we are living in a culture of competitive contests, instead of curious listening and warm receptions for the stories in all our voices.

Last of all Whitney modeled “smiling on the outside, while crying on the inside.” I wish she had had support to overcome her addiction, to deal with fame and disappointments, because when you reach that far out with your amazing gifts, you also may have what I call “an upper limit,” which tries to limit how much joy and happiness you allow yourself to get back. She gave so much, but somehow did not receive all of the support and love she really needed and deserved. She soldiered on, but probably had much pain and grief that was difficult to acknowledge.

I understand why with Whitney’s death so many people are writing about how addiction destroys. For instance, there is a great article in Forbes, A Cautionary Tale, reflecting on how her passing provides an opportunity and reminder to reach out and support those we care about who are struggling with demons of their own. As a society, I hope we can learn to value the magic of all our artists, with their ups and downs, and learn to curb our critical impulses to destroy, as we move into a culture of ongoing appreciation and support for the ample creative resources that lie in each of us, which truly heal us all. That would be the greatest love of all.

I told Lily I had to do my taxes.

“Do you like to do your taxes Mommy?”  she asked.

Wow. What should I tell her?

I have always loved numbers and counting. As a child I watched people coming on and off the subway and kept a tally of them, how many women were there and how many men. For some reason this really delighted me.  Numbers add up, and give me a feeling of perfection about the world. As an adult, like most of us, I feel dread when I think about taxes. I generally have to pay more than I want to, and might be financially prepared or unprepared to do so. This does not create the same satisfying feeling I had as a kid counting.

Yet when I look at Lily’s face she genuinely tries to learn from me about the world, so I decided to create a new intention. Regardless of what the numbers turned out to be, I decided I would enjoy the process of looking at the numbers.

I set my Pandora station to “The Black-Eyed Peas” and looked at taxes and just saw them as numbers. I bopped to the music. I worked the calculator. I tabulated all income and expenses, and enjoyed the process of coming up with totals in every category. The numbers accompanied the melodies, and I entered a space where the various sections had a different theme song. I was done in two hours. It turned out to be a bit more than I’d expected to pay, but the process did not cost me the way it has in the past. I wasn’t drained or defeated.  It all just became numbers and music.

Now I can honestly tell Lily, “Yes, I do like to do my taxes.” This year I will pay my taxes like everyone else, but did not dread the process. I am grateful that my daughter gets to see that sometimes even “have-tos” can have a theme song we can somehow enjoy.

In the early 1990’s, I was privileged to study acting with Michael Howard, who had trained such greats as Olympia Dukakis and Mercedes Ruehl.  During one of the classes we did an exercise designed to make us more alluring as performers. Guess what the key was? It was feeling irresistible to ourselves. I remember looking around the room and seeing people entranced with themselves. Believe it or not, this didn’t come off as narcissistic at all. It was all just fascinating and fun. One man ran his hand along a record player and listened, humming the sounds back to the machine. Meanwhile, a woman wrote a letter and took note of how sensual her fingers felt as she made marks on the page. The focus and concentration in the room was hypnotic. One couldn’t wait to experience what would happen next.

At a recent “5,000 Women” workshop a participant played with this technique. She wanted to play with her star power not just onstage, but in her everyday life too. Offstage she was rather proper, often asking for permission, while onstage she simply followed her impulses. In the workshop she started to act like a star, mesmerizing us as she slinked into the middle of the room, tossing her head back and smiling. She decided that indulging her needs and wants felt best to her and she would begin to practice that onstage and off. As a result she became completely irresistible.

Is there a way you’d like to indulge your star power right now and practice being irresistible?

 

Many people refer to our current economy as a “gig economy,” meaning that that they need to cobble together several jobs, or “gigs” which usually have no health or retirement benefits in order to make a living. This differs from the past when many or most people landed jobs with benefits, a set work week, and a predictable trajectory for promotion.  Nowadays recent graduates, or people laid off from seemingly stable jobs, may struggle with how to make it in this new “gig” climate. As a one-woman show, I have only known shaping a life around gigging, so I thought I would share some tips on how to adapt to this lifestyle.

One of the tools I have cultivated over time is the ability to shift gears. This can also help if you have a full-time job that requires long hours and then want to be able to shift gears into personal time.  Here are some simple steps to make it happen.

1.    Take three relaxed breaths. Picture yourself erasing a board with writing on it until it is empty. Then ask yourself, “I’m done with all that, what shall I focus on now?”

2.    Ask yourself, “What sort of energy does this new task require?”  This is similar to how a car’s engine needs to kick into a higher gear when climbing up a hill, or lower one when it’s decelerating.

3.    Set the intention of the result you want by focusing on the task at hand. Sometimes when I am on camera, for example,  I find myself wondering about what my daughter, Lily, is doing.  At such times, it helps when I create a win-win intention such as:  “I am putting my entire focus here, and I know Lily is having great fun playing with her friends right now.” Then I can focus fully on what I’m doing.

4.    Shift gears by giving a gentle shake and stretch to your whole body. Then you will be more prepared for a change.

These steps may help you to feel calmer and more focused. Then you are ready to shift gears.

 

 

Maybe you have been crafting a screenplay, re-writing a monologue or have composed an overture. All the while you have been nesting in the solitary space of your creative process. Now it is time to go public. Where can this be done? You may picture yourself at the Kennedy Center receiving an award 5 years from now, but at the moment, where can now begin to share your creative work?

I recommend sharing with those whose taste you admire, who can also be supportive. How much feedback are you comfortable with? Some level of discomfort is normal and essential when first sharing your work, but feeling in danger is not essential to be creative. Think about what would be a good balance between leaving your comfort zone and taking some risk? The feeling should make your heartbeat faster but make it so you can still be able to express and feel connected to yourself.

During my early days of creating original characters, I performed at a performance salon in someone’s home. I also performed in several coffee shops. Find a venue that feels supportive for the stage you are at. Then book a date and invite people you feel you can trust, who will provide feedback that is encouraging and recognizes your strengths. Before you know it, it will be official. You will have gone public with your creative work.