Does Woody Allen only employ shiksas?

Does Woody Allen only employ shiksas?

I am Jewish, I am a woman, I am a comedian. Like Tracey Ullman or Lily Tomlin I do multiple characters. Yet what is my future as a performer in a Woody Allen film? Zilch.

Woody Allen employs shiksas* as his leading ladies. Mia Farrow, Diane Keaton, Diane Wiest, Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz, Helen Hunt are all shiksas. I love them all. I bow at their feet. They are amazing. But when oh when will he use one of us?

I know I am not famous, I have not been discovered yet. I know I am 40 in May. I am mostly concerned with raising my three year-old. So I am largely distracted from my career. (Many days I cannot remember to attend to my own basic needs; did I eat? Did I sleep? Did I shower? Which Disney character am I playing in this particular role play?) I may not exactly be in the running for a Woody Allen film.

But there are many many other women Jewish comedians. When will Woody write for one of us? Youd think by now hed use Sara Silverman. The most famous of our tribe. But no. Or maybe even Rain Pryor, Richard Pryors daughter who is half Jewish, but no. Fran Drescher’s whine has never been recorded in an Allen film. Can you even conceive of that? And why didnt he jump at the chance to employ Barbra? Barbra! Come on Woody.

Ill make it easy for you. Just let me be Ruth, my old Jewish woman who tells dirty jokes. You could squeeze her into a scene where we go comparison shopping on cataract treatments. Ruth can supply some comic relief. Then again, that wouldnt exactly be a role for a leading lady.

Maybe we Jewish women comedians are not leading ladies. We are uppity, we are hard to pigeon hole, we steal focus.

So you know what, just let us be ourselves Woody. Put all of us together in one of your movies. I swear whatever amazing material you write for us, even if we adlib — well give you full credit.

*shiksa non-Jewish woman, a gentile