Success Story

Success Story by Jennifer Blaine

I’ve been coaching a woman in her twenties for a couple of years. When we began together the main issue was that her family and she were majorly entrenched about who was right about how she should live her life. They could not stop fighting. She had fled to a country in the Middle East to get as far away as possible from them and was working at a job that covered her bills but just barely. As a successful college grad, her parents were deeply disappointed. “We know she can do so much better,” they appealed to me. “Can’t you help her get a better job?” We met as a group over Skype. Historically there had been some dynamics in the family where she did not feel she was being honored and treated well by her parents. We addressed those and her parents pledged to do better by her.

Things started to improve and eventually she decided to move back to the United States, and even live with her parents so they could have more time together. But then what she encountered was that she could not get a job easily. Despite having worked in Washington DC and then abroad, somehow, she could not get any traction this side of the Atlantic. She despaired. We only saw each other a couple of times during that year in her life. Over email I advised her to keep applying to jobs. She must have sent her resume out 100 times. Day after day, month after month, she could not find work. Conflicts with her parents got heated. Her self-esteem took a hit. But she did not give up and she eventually landed a job in Boston. The job paid about $60,000. It was enough to afford her to have her own small apartment in the United States for the first time in her adult life. She applied herself completely and within a couple of months had proven herself as an exceptional worker.

But as she worked and worked, she noticed that people around her were compensated at a much higher rate compared to her. She could not understand it. The corporation was structured in such a way that she could only be bumped into a very small percentage of her salary from year to year. “At this rate how will I ever get what I actually deserve?” she asked me. And this, my dear reader is the point of the story. The point I really need you to listen and understand is how we create what we want even when we are at a disadvantage.

I told her “I know that this is unfair. And I also hear that the ways for you to advance seem very narrow and limited. But what I want you to do is commit to receiving what you actually deserve.” She told me what she deserved was closer to $80,000 but that that was impossible. I asked her but what do you deserve? And she said “Actually I would love to get $100,000 but I’m never going to get it at this job. “

So, I told her to be willing to get a different job at a different company at that rate. I told her maybe it is possible you could get that at this job in some capacity, but the most important thing is to commit to getting it somewhere. And to make friends with that process. She agreed.

In the coming weeks she got an unfair and unjustified review at work. Again, she was so upset. I told her “Commit to a job where you are well-treated.” She bitterly withstood watching others be green lit for bonuses and salary increases, some receiving $5,000. I told her she had to hold on to knowing she deserved great treatment and more money.

Then she was finally transferred to a department where her boss appreciated her. She stopped having to overwork. She received a great review just a month ago and therefore was approved for a modest raise.  She embraced all these things with gratitude. But she confided in me that it still was not what she really believed she deserved. I concurred. So again, we forged a commitment that she would step into a new job within the next 3 to 6 months where she was being paid at a much higher rate whether at this company or another. Then last night she called me for her session. “I have the greatest news,” she told me “You have to be sitting down.”

“I got a new job in the same company at a different department. I’ll be doing similar work but at a whole other level of compensation. I will be receiving a $26,000 pay increase!”

It was good I was sitting down, but it was on my bouncy ball, so I bounced up and down a while. I told her I completely believed in her and she deserved it. We spent the rest of the session going through what her new responsibilities would be and how she would handle an upcoming business trip abroad. Someone else would be paying for her to see the world.

When we started together three years ago, she was paid about $20,000 a year. She is now going to be making almost five times that. How much money we make at a job is not the only thing that’s important in life. Probably what’s even more important is how good my client feels about herself. How she is self-sufficient and has an inner knowing of her greatness that’s rooted in her now that is unshakable. To have that great feeling along with her ideal salary is the culmination of her blending her positive self-regard with allowing the universe to support her in all ways.

I am now in my 23rd year of coaching. I have coached hundreds of people all around the world. And all of them have achieved amazing things. I can’t always predict whether it will be solely on an emotional, financial, or spiritual level, but when you commit to ongoing coaching with me you expand your greatness, contribute to the world, and great things happen for you that are often beyond what you can imagine.


The Hendricks InstituteI really enjoyed reading a new book by Gay Hendricks over the winter break. (I got my coaching certification from The Hendricks Institute which he created with his luminous wife Kathlyn Hendricks.) In “The Joy of Genius” Gay talks about the value and importance of recognizing there are many things we don’t have control over and some things we do. Yes, you may also recognize this as the serenity prayer, and I wrote about the concept in an earlier blog post as one of the main teachings of the philosopher and once-slave Epictetus. I’ve encountered some people that say we don’t have control and it’s best to let go regarding just about everything. I find that very hard and sometimes a very boring attitude to have about life. I like trying to go for things, even if they seem unlikely. Where does that leave me?

What’s left is influence. Once we let go of the things we can’t control (our thoughts, the past, the future, controlling other people, worrying about what people think of us) we can appreciate and better see what we want to create now. I like to envision that power to influence a situation as if I were engaging an Alexander Calder mobile. It’s huge, like the world. I may not transform it or radically dismantle it, but my influence can utterly shift its orientation. Although it’s mammoth, I can influence it. The winds can change how they go around it. I also may enjoy the process of moving its awesomeness. My perception of myself changes too.

I also find that from that spirit of influence some things come to me easier. I am not attached. I stop trying to get things right and make offers, sometimes even grand visions. Just today I was writing to the head of a college department about all the benefits of what I bring as a performer and speaker and how someone I apprenticed from my college 7 years ago, has gone on to become a screenwriter in LA, living their dream. I can’t take full credit for this achievement, but I know I influenced her to go for her dream. Influence is a delicious and inviting way to engage people to play and dream big. The professor actually wrote me back with enthusiasm. Will I get to perform for and mentor her students? I don’t know, but I am playing with the mobile and dancing in the prospect of making it happen.

Are there ways you want to play with moving out of trying to control and into influence? Let me know how it feels for you to tap the mobile.

“I could be righteous and take the high road, but it doesn’t get me anywhere.”


I was coaching a client about the way she and her husband argue. “He gets upset when things are not put away. I could tell him he’s overreacting, but it won’t help. I’d be justified in taking the high road, but it doesn’t get me anywhere.”

This is a familiar scenario. We know we are right, but sometimes a disagreement is often not really about the disagreement. My client understood this and considered what was a better use of her energy. “What if you just listened to why he was upset and showed him you were listening?” I offered. “He is feeling a strong feeling. Remember the three troublesome emotions are anger, sadness, or fear. What if you listened to what he said, not for the content but rather with your heart to see what is going on with him?”

My client, being the brilliant woman that she is, said “he’s probably feeling scared that I don’t care how he likes things to be. I can see it’s not about anything I did wrong, it’s just that he needs things to be calmer, so he’ll feel safe.”

When we are compassionate for the person we are battling, the fight becomes irrelevant. In this case, she no longer felt defensive and now responds with compassion. I have no idea whether things are any more orderly than they were in their kitchen, but emotionally things are much more peaceful. Hopefully they are both enjoying that.

Shifting The Money Script


When I first started dating my husband Michael, he said “We are all economic beings.” I found this comment rather dry, but I was also curious. “What do you mean?” I pressed him.  “Money is an inevitable  part of our existence. And since it is, we really ought to look at what we want our relationship with money to be like.” This conversation about money continues between us and in my coaching practice too.

In a coaching session today I gave the following advice:

1.  Money is just about exchanging energy. Often we attribute other qualities to it too, but it is just an exchange of energy. Therefore we might as well have good thoughts about money.

2. Treat money as if it were your friend. When I think about my best friend Karen I immediately think about finding a nice mug to give her for her tea, asking her how she’s doing, and just loving being with her. So I would similarly be considerate about my money, and be happy to spend time with it. If we always complain about money, then like people, it will most likely not want to be around us. But if we are a good friend to it, the relationship can just get better and better throughout the years.

3. When we appreciate something it grows. So if we appreciate money, if we are grateful for it and are generous with it, we end up getting more of it.I remember one time I was low on gigs and clients. So I went through my email list and I emailed everyone I was grateful to have worked with in the past or with whom I was still working. I did no advertising, or putting up flyers, or giving talks. And yet just by being appreciative of everyone, I ended up getting several referrals that week for new work.

4. Decide how you want the situation to be and make a commitment to having it. Often when people come to me for coaching they complain about how things are. When I ask them what they want they usually can describe it. “But how do I get it?” they ask. And my answer is often that they need to make a commitment. When we make a commitment and are truly open, things begin to change. So decide how you want it to be. It can be a powerful step to shifting not just your money script, but your money too.

The magic of EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique

eftmonalisa* Mona Lisa with the EFT points highlighted

Lately there is increased interest in a modality I use called Emotional Freedom Technique. It also goes by EFT or tapping.  I tried it with one client in Cambodia, who told a friend also in Cambodia who loved it, who then recommended her friend in Senegal do the technique with me too!  They each report that the relief they experience with tapping has been more effective than all the different kinds of therapy and other techniques they tried before.

Tapping is an extraordinary process, whereby negative thoughts and feelings are removed by tapping on certain acupuncture points throughout the body. In addition, one affirms the things one wants to happen. But part of what distinguishes the way I use EFT from how I’ve seen it used by other practitioners, is that I bring in a poetic blending of many of the things people say during their session and integrate it into a script that is impromptu and utterly tailored to whatever that person is going through at that particular moment. In any coaching session I find what transpires is highly co-creative, meaning that it is about what I’m doing but also what my client is saying and doing. The same thread of intuition that I use in listening during a session leads to the way that I do tapping for that person as well.

One of the clients I worked with this morning offered this feedback:

“I love that you create the EFT tapping script from all the hardship and reveals that come out in our session and morph it into a sort of bath of truth telling, life affirming beauty and goodness.” I find it exciting that people get so much out of the EFT work I do because it is one of the best ways I know for me to be in the unknown, present and creating solutions for people that help change their lives. It’s one of the most healing ways I have found to be creative.


Faith by Jennifer Blaine

Many people have been asking me recently for advice on how to have faith. Not the religious kind, but the faith in dealing with everyday challenges.

One client of mine is undergoing IVF.  She devoted her time, energy, and vacation days from her high-powered job so she could undergo the procedure. She and her husband really wanted it to work. After all that, she found out it was unsuccessful. 

“The doctor says there is nothing wrong and that the chances that it will eventually work are in my favor,” she told me. “The thing is for now I am just so broken-hearted and disappointed. How am I supposed to keep going, when there’s no guarantee it will work?” she asked.

There was a philosopher named Epictetus who said, “There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” This brilliant advice came from someone who was born a slave in 55 AD, but later in life became an advisor to not just one, but two Roman emperors!! The desire to influence things beyond our will is what still tortures many of us. We wish we could control things: our bodies, our feelings, our thoughts, other people, even our sports teams winning! But in fact, when we start to examine what we have control over we begin to see that we have much less than we thought. So where does that leave us?

“We don’t have control,” I told my client, “But we can shift to being willing to have things go well.” One of my favorite self-help gurus is Louise Hay. She offers the saying “I am open and receptive to all good.” What a beautiful intention.   As soon as my client tried adopting a willingness to have things work out, and let go of her fears and insecurities, she felt at peace and more assured. She wasn’t giving up by stopping her worrying or feeling sad, she was just letting go. She was even more devoted to a good result, but without all the pressure she had been putting on herself. She looked to see the things she actually had some choice over and set to work exercising those. She decided she would do IVF again when she felt ready. She decided it was silly to think it was her fault. She was just going to intend things working out. Everything else was just a waste of her precious energy.

So much of the time we want a miracle, a change, an improvement. It’s when we release attachment to it that we start to have a different experience, which ends up creating a different result. I find that it’s easier to create from nothing than creating from fear, or from rules that feel constricting, or from what someone else tells us which at times can be a limiting thought. Some people call that faith. I say it is actually the process of creating, and it’s one of the most fulfilling ways I know to engage with life and get fabulous results.